i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
