Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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