Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
