I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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