I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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