So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just sent this text using only my big toe
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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