he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
