i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I won the penis lottery.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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