I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
