Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
