Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
