dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
