That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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