He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
