U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
