it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
