I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
