this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
