There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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