Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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