I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
