You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
