White coat. Heels.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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