Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
