it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
