I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
