You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
