thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
