Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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