You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
