take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
