***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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