My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What drink are we having for lunch?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
