How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
