Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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