the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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