Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
