Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
