You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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