it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
