I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
