I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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