I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Farmville is her only friend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
