i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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