I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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