Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
