Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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