Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
