There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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