i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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