her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
