How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
