My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
