***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
