Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
don't judge my taste in strippers
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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