even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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