I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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